What do you want?

I have a superpower: I know what I want.

This might sound like nothing, but stop for a minute and think, how often do you know what you want? I don’t mean what to eat for dinner or which new gear to buy, I mean deeply, truly want?

I like to ask people what they want.

• Q: What do you want out of a relationship?

• Q: What do you want out of your dream job?

• Q: What kind of impact do you want to make on the world?

It’s amazing how often the response I get is what people DON’T want.

• A: I’m tired of one-sided relationships.

• A: I’m bored with my job even though it’s supposed to be meaningful.

• A: I don’t want to get burned out.

I’m noticing it more and more. Even when I clarify, “yeah, but what DO you want?” I get more “don’t want” answers. Or I get answers that tell me why they don’t believe they can have something better.

• A: I’m a giver and I get taken advantage of.

• A: It’s not a safe time to switch jobs.

• A: There’s so much negativity out there on social media.

To be fair, I had to learn how to know what I want. A few years ago, I had NO IDEA. I recently found my notebook from 2015 and read through my doodles. They said: “Get me out of here” “When can I leave?” “Why do I feel this way?” I knew that I didn’t want what I had, but I didn’t have any clue what I did want, so I felt stuck. I didn’t even realize that I could and should know my own wants. My whole life it had been easier and safer to “go with the flow.” I even felt spiritual about it - trusting the flow of the universe to direct my life seemed like a good thing. But it was actually an excuse to not know myself and not take control of my own life.

“Trusting the flow of the universe” was an excuse to not truly know myself and take control of my life.

Once I started listening to my body, my inner wisdom, and my higher self, I learned how to know what I want. It looks different than I was expecting. It doesn’t look like a “to do list” most of the time. It’s a lot more based on how I want to FEEL than on anything tangible. And it creates a lot of space for not knowing HOW I’m going to get my desire met, which is perfectly, marvelously ok.

• A: I want to feel supported in love, where giving and receiving come naturally.

• A: I want a job that’s inspiring, full of variety, and provides security for my financial needs.

• A: I want to have a platform for my voice that stays focused on a positive message and fills me with energy and inspiration.

The trick to knowing what I want is often in turning what I don’t want on its head.

• You don’t want to feel so exhausted? You want to feel energized.

• You’re afraid of being betrayed? You want a partner who proves their trustworthiness and with whom you feel safe.

• You’re tired of not being appreciated? You want to be seen and valued for who you are and what you contribute.

It can be done with ANYTHING!